Why didn’t you tell me this before?

Standard

Yesterday I got a headache vaccine. I saw it advertised, liked what I saw, called the doctor, went to the doctor, told him to give me the needle quickly, closed my eyes, screamed, cried and rejoiced when it was over!

But then the doctor said, “Side effects may include: Vomiting, breathlessness, indigestion, diarrhoea, joint pain, muscle pain, irregular heartbeat, loss of limbs, psychotic visions, murderous tenancies and pimples.”

You never want to hear a doctor say those words! “And pimples.” They are the reason I get headaches! Worrying about pimples causes my headaches!

Anyway, just letting you know, no pimples and no headaches! Just lost a leg, so all in all, highly recommended.

Half a fish?

Standard

This is a story I wrote with a friend of mine. The way we wrote it was one word at a time, they wrote one word, then I wrote the next word. And we did that until we felt like ending the story. It may be a little erratic and incomprehensible, but it was fun to write and see how the story changed with each word as we combined our ideas. Enjoy!

One afternoon a fish swam away in fear that the lady discovered that he was a toad. He really liked mushroom’s cooked on barbecues because they tasted marvelous. One mushroom began floating on air and glowing like a firefly. The fish burst with joy as the mushroom soared into the lamp-post and exploded!

The lamp-post toppled over because it hated mushrooms with exploding tendencies. Curiously toads can eat any coloured fungi, including red submariners, sardines from Scandinavia and poisonous marshmallows. His friend sneakily climbed into the lamp and licked the mushroom carcass up.

“Disgusting!” exclaimed Fish. “That could’ve poisoned me! My tail has splotches all under it!”

“Who put you in my lamp-post,” shrieked the lady.

Half a human?

Standard

This is a story I wrote with a friend of mine. The way we wrote it was one word at a time, they wrote one word, then I wrote the next word. And we did that until we felt like ending the story. It may be a little erratic and incomprehensible, but it was fun to write and see how the story changed with each word as we combined our ideas. Enjoy!

Since wars finished Sam hadn’t eaten any humans. It worried Jennifer, his owner, because he lost all his willpower and desire. Before the wars were bloody they was robots carnage, delivered under leadership of Great Iron Colgaite the Deserter, because theoretically he saved a whole ice-cream from melting. Yet, Colgaite forgot to develop computer technology for, actually useful, for exploding the organics.This mistake cost Colgaite millions of lives.

Sam decided to take Jennifer to the museum, her favourite place. Deciding this was difficult, as the computers hated learning about globalisation. Despite this Sam managed to sneak Jennifer in.

“I once thought she looked like a biotic eyebrow,” said the computer matrix. This was confusing as Sam decided to make cookies on his Jennifer, her special recipe made delicious cookies.

“Don’t allow cookies to burn inside the core,” warned Jennifer.

“Understood,” replied Sam. “However, I can’t eat the unburnt confectionery, including cookies, lollies, even chocolate!” declared Sam.

The museum decided to close their doors, trapping Jennifer and Sam forever! As Sam discovered a glitch in the lock he lifted from the mainframe a few codes ago that told them that escape was possible! But only if Sam had two computer-chips, which could only be triggered after sacrificing humanoid feet. Luckily Jennifer had humanoid feet attached to her stomach-pit. Sam quickly reached for the lever and grabbed them and pushed the lever. Receiving the feet and putting them into the feet-hole. Immediately the museum doors opened releasing Sam and Jennifer, letting them free to eat their humans outside while enjoying their company!

Half a giant?

Standard

This is a story I wrote with a friend of mine. The way we wrote it was one word at a time, they wrote one word, then I wrote the next word. And we did that until we felt like ending the story. It may be a little erratic and incomprehensible, but it was fun to write and see how the story changed with each word as we combined our ideas. Enjoy!

The carnivorous beasts atop Mount Frank hunt friendly villagers from the town below. The wealthy villagers, worried again, turned to the giant who lived under Mount Frank. Using her giant nose to block teeth, she then took hold of a beast’s tail and held it above the frightened villagers.

“Ahhh! What are you thinking, you mindless oaf,” shouted the mayor.

“I’m shhh..ow.ing youse perple a tigher,” moped Giant Vanessa.

“I think not!”

The mayor performed a perfect dance called, ‘Shalmenonhertop.’ It enchanted the giant but sent the beast into a frothing rampage. It infected the poor villagers, but caused the rich to make friends with beasts everywhere. But it left them without defenses against the now insatiable giants and aliens.

Half a wolf?

Standard

This is a story I wrote with a friend of mine. The way we wrote it was one word at a time, they wrote one word, then I wrote the next word. And we did that until we felt like ending the story. It may be a little erratic and incomprehensible, but it was fun to write and see how the story changed with each word as we combined our ideas. Enjoy!

Along the long, narrow and slippery road herds a great pack of wolves. Their leader fashioned a piano scarfe from Beethoven’s eightieth blanket. But when Caventwitch saw Rockandhall they dissected gleefully flowers full of hope.

Hope came bursting through the window creating patterns, colourful, vibrant, intricate and volatile. Sunshine, mixed hues reacted to darkness unlike fire. Stars burnt light-years of time to disintegrate ashes. Soon water gushed from wells under flooring designed for water-resistance. Shattered glass fell upwards which impaled photographs of family holidays. Aromas drifted through the nostrils of orphans.

“Amazing!” exclaimed little Sam Baconson. “We need to call it Smagbamdogahop!” And then time froze…

Half a dragon?

Standard

This is a story I wrote with a friend of mine. The way we wrote it was one word at a time, they wrote one word, then I wrote the next word. And we did that until we felt like ending the story. It may be a little erratic and incomprehensible, but it was fun to write and see how the story changed with each word as we combined our ideas. Enjoy!

The rampage was bloody, her hair was covered in blood. But her vegemite coloured sword remained blood-free. She felt very glamorous in nothing, but a cool breeze blew, making her aware that her wig converted her skin to scales.

This effectively changed her into a dragon!

“Noooooo!” cried her uncle, as he ran away. But alas she ate him.

“Tasty. Little fatty, but nice,” she said.

The rest of her Saturday meals were small.

Hasn’t it?

Standard

Indeed, I think it has panned out well, considering all the obstacles.

I wasn’t sure at first, because together all the obstacles looked insurmountable. On one side you need to do this, but at the same time you’ve got to do this other thing. And you’ve got obstacles while doing both things.

It worked out well because it had strength in the right areas. But at the same time it had integrity to hold up in the face of obstacles.

It did the job because it was unexpected. It challenged and overcame the obstacles from a different angle. An angle they couldn’t cope with, because it exposed their weakness. And at the same time it showed it’s strength.