I recently had a concept for a villain. So I thought I’d share it with you…

The villain has just disarmed a combatant in an epic fight. Our disarmed combatant lies helpless on the ground as the villain goes into a monologue:

Peace. It’s a tricky concept to grasp. You see it’s not a world without war. It’s not a household without conflict. It’s not a talk without disagreement.

Peace is so much deeper. Peace is when our minds are so tranquil that there is not one single care in them. No one worried about what they’re having for dinner.

Every single worry causes disagreements, conflicts and war.There is only one way to stop a person from worrying, from caring, from thinking. Death.

So, I ask you, (pause while villain points weapon at helpless combatant) do you want peace?

A while ago I found a strange coin in my wallet. It was a 20 cent piece… from New Zealand. And it told me this story…

I was minted on a cold winter’s day in 1976. And minted doesn’t mean I taste nice, although you could ask the dog that ate me, that was an adventure.

In 1982 I was used to purchase a chocolate bar worth 70 cents. It was here that I feel in love with a 50 cent piece. We were both young, probably too young, but you should’ve seen us. We were inseparable, and that wasn’t just because of the chewing gum that held us together. Unfortunately she was taken from me, but I’ll never forget her.

About ten years later I moved to Australia. It was a new adventure for me, and a risky one. I wasn’t always welcome in this country. My Kiwi heritage, which I’m very proud of, caused many Australians to reject me. But a few Aussies accepted me and I began to find my feet in Australia.

Today I feel quite at home in Australia or New Zealand. But I’ll always be a Kiwi at heart.

We are gathered here to celebrate the life of Mr Hatinger. Our local explorer, who sadly died last week exploring our community.

Throughout this service we will hear from those close to Mr Hatinger. His brother, work colleagues and friends.

But before they speak I feel that I should tell you exactly how Mr Hatinger died. You see, Mr Hatinger was murdered! He died exploring the vast land of ‘next door’, and it was there that his life was ended.

It was a classic case of assault, Mr Hatinger died in an instant. The shoe was typically hard, and a huge amount of downward pressure was applied. Mr Hatinger had no chance.

And now three days later, we must remember Mr Hatinger for the bravery he showed exploring. So it is with great sadness that I invite fellow explorer Mr Baying to share his thoughts.

Once upon a time I went to a fancy restaurant, one where the chairs are made of wood, the tables are made of timber, and they shine with an immaculate finish of varnish.

We sat down and thought, “Gosh, this is incredibly posh.” And yet we were in t-shirts, shorts and thongs.

As a menu came our way we couldn’t help but notice two things, the toast was $7.15 and the menu was made of not-so-fancy paper.

We looked at the prices and took a sip of the thankfully free water. The waiter arrived and gave us more time to decide.

Which we used to decide, that we couldn’t afford a pie. And so we ran away from the host, the rather posh place that charged seven dollars for toast.