It feels good to be carried by a mad man.

I have served many masters in my lifetime, but there’s no comparison to a mad man. I love the reassuring feeling that at any point something could set him off and a second later I’m skewering and slicing the lucky human to death.

It’s comforting when blood covers my body. The warm, red liquid running down my neck, there’s something sexy about it. Hearts are so alluring, I imagine them every chance I get. Seeing it beat for the last time is exhilarating. There is nothing more pleasurable than me inside you.

Everyday I picture my next blood bursting incision. Sometimes it keeps me up at night, but mostly it sends me to sleep and sweetens my dreams. They keep me strong and sharp, ready to serve. Without me, master couldn’t do what he does. I give him the confidence he needs, and he gives me joy.

My lesser brothers warn me, saying I bring our name into disrepute, but they’re all jealous. They don’t know the thrill of slicing the jugular. It doesn’t compare to slicing through butter. So they can have their cheese, and their bread, but I no longer live for that purpose.

I live for blood… And I can’t wait to meet you.

I have discovered the most deadly weapon known to man. It’s not a gun, a blade, or a bomb. All these weapons involve an object being propelled towards you, and in most cases you can simply move out of the way.

But imagine a weapon that pulled you towards it. A weapon so powerful that it’s almost impossible to escape its clutches. A weapon that has killed since the dawn of time.

The weapon is gravity. And it is a deathtrap.

Over the past week I was attacked by gravity and it left me scarred. I escaped with my life but next time I may not be so lucky.

And so I use this reprieve to warn you of this deathtrap called gravity.

Today is the fourth anniversary of Wait! What? Sorry. To celebrate I wrote a random word story, all themed by the number four. Four in the title, four random words, and exactly four hundred and forty-four words long. The random words are in italics and this paragraph does not count in the word limit. Enjoy.

 

Tyrene Treeson, Happy Fourth Sproutday,

Tyrene, our daughter, you are a beautiful and valued part of our growing family. We will always help and support you with whatever you need. The strength of our family comes from our community, together we support each other and grow as a team. We see your potential, you grow in wisdom and understanding every day. When you are old enough we hope you can lead this community with us. Until then, continue to learn and exhibit your wisdom to the world.

You are far greater than your youthful four years of age. You are wise, patient and strong, yet you remain humble and help our family grow. We see that you already live up to the calling of Mother Nature. Always remember that she never sleeps, she is always working for the good of all earth’s inhabitants. She is always kind, humble and wise. Continue to use her as an example, take her virtues on as your own. She rewards all Creation that follows her lead.

Today marks an important milestone in your life, you are now fully developed. This is a big change, you have seen what has happened to your body and had crazy emotions run through your mind, but the biggest change is responsibility.

Mother Nature asks us to represent her to the world, that is our responsibility. You have been told this since your earliest days on earth, and it is as true now as it was then. But you are now old enough to learn of the duplicity of humans. Humans, those funny little creatures that move around aimlessly, know little of our importance. As a result, they mistreat us and use us for evil and obscene purposes. Our latex is moulded to their liking, our body is carved to fit their lavish lives and our foliage is smoked for fun.

But despite all this we must care for humans, just as Mother Nature does. Our photosynthesis, shadow and produce keeps humans alive. We must continue this in the hope that they will acknowledge all their wicked ways and help grow our community for the benefit of humans and animals everywhere.

Hold on to Mother Nature and everything she does. She will judge your nature and reward you justly. Do not fall for the deceit of humans, they will convince you that you are worthless, they will remove you from your roots, they will cause you pain and suffering, but their God will judge them for their actions against you. Our calling is to live out the calling of Mother Nature, and let Her handle the rest.

signed,

the Elder Trees of Earth

This story was created with the help of Rory’s Story Cubes. Each cube has a picture on each side and we incorporated what we rolled into this story. Enjoy.

Once upon a time… there was a monster called Big Foot. He lived in a star and ate mobile phones. One day, he bought a matchstick that causes waves capable of incinerating faces. Big Foot took the matchstick and aimed it at a rainbow’s pet cloud causing it to fly in to a plane full of sleeping babies.

Fortunately the plane with the sleeping babies was saved by the magnetic force of Big Foot’s own house (his star). Frustrated by this, he read the matchstick’s operating manual. In it he learnt about the hidden turtle that transforms the matchstick into a spotty apple that poisons every key in existence! So Big Foot tried to find the turtle, but the turtle was guarded by his arch-enemy, aliens called ‘The Clocks’. Because of this he decided to give up and instead go online shopping with his new credit card.

I’m standing here in the nude, in the middle of a school oval. I have my soap, shampoo and towel ready to go. The school kids laugh, but this is the only way to wash off my stench.

The clouds are dark and low, surely I won’t have to wait much longer. The heavens open, down comes the rain. Water splashes all over and around me, time for the soap.

The storm intensifies, the soap and shampoo wash away. The rain stops, I dry off and put on my clothes. There’s another storm tomorrow.

im henry ‘the chicken wisperer’ walker and i will prove that i can talk to chickens

yesterday i took my brand  new camera outside to my local chicken park to catch a chicken talking to me on film i got there and started walking likea chicken (i do that so the chickens will think im one of them( its hard tohold a camera wile waking and cluking and flaping and scrating myself like achicken but this time i knew what buton too press too turn it on the big red one that says on/off when  i saw that i was confused if the buton turns it on and then of  straight away how will i ever turn it on? manafactuas need too make 2 butons 1 to turn it on and 1 too turn it of

anyhow wile i was there a chicken came up to me and spoke engalish confusing becase thay normaly speak chicken the chicken said to me ‘ i waant to be a pie”! WOW! WOW1 WOW! so i grab chicken and put  in my car i dont now how too make pie ive only eva heard of aple pie but if thats what chicken wants  that what hell get and ill enjoy an aple and chicken pie!

my mate is a shef he makes pie a  lot of them so i take chicken tohim and he cut of its head and make aple and chicken pie  when it finished i take a foto and sho chicken head he doesnt say much now we finish aple and chicken pie  and watch vidoe of chicken talking tome in engalish we watch it and my mate says to  me we shouldnt have done that i ask him whyand he say becase the chicken “said i want to be alive’.