I don’t know what to do Doctor. I need your help.
On Friday I went shopping, and I saw a singed copy of a book I like, so I bought it.
It was wrapped up tight, but I finally got it open. What I thought was odd was hearing a few vocal warm-ups as I opened it. I assumed it was the neighbours.
I set the book on the bench and opened it to page 1. And the book came alive! Literally! It started to sing! Not speak like an audio book. Sing!
At first I thought it was cool, but then when I wanted to go to bed I couldn’t turn it off. So I hoped by morning the book would be finished. But the singing just went back to the start.
Any ideas Doc? I’ve tried throwing the book away, lighting it on fire, throwing it in a pool, but still that infernal racket will not stop!
“I’m here interviewing World Champion Breadwinner, Dusty Road. Now Dusty, what got you interested in becoming a breadwinner?”
“My wife. We had just got married and she said to me “I want you to be our breadwinner.” So I did, and that was about twenty years ago.”
“And how much of a focus is breadwinning?”
“Breadwinning is my only focus. I spend a lot of time training to win physical breadwinning competitions and I read a book to help with the mental competitions.”
“But you don’t work on the luck competitions?”
“No, I’m often the only one that enters a competition where the prize is a loaf of bread. So I usually win by default.”
“And what do you do with all the bread you win?”
“Throw it away. I can’t eat bread and neither can my wife, so I just throw the prize away.”
“Do you get other prizes?”
“No. Just the bread.”
I stood face to face with this unknown man holding a bomb. I stood five metres away, trying to look calm and collected as the morning rush of people brushed passed seemingly unaware.
“Why are you holding a bomb?” I asked, getting straight to the point.
“I’m not,” he said with a sly grin.
“Then why does it say, ‘BOMB’?” pointing to the device he held that said, ‘BOMB”.
“It doesn’t,” another sly grin appeared.
I walked up to him, took the device from him and inspected it. “That’s not a bomb, this is a bomb!” I said as I pulled out an actual bomb.
The man panicked, “Woah, where did that come from! I’m just seeing if people notice me. I’d never actually use a bomb.”
“Oh, okay. I just thought you might want to use my bomb instead. You’ve just got a balloon, where as my bomb creates an explosion fifty metres wide.”
“Sorry, just a balloon?” Then he poped his balloon and it exploded. So did our city.
Todd walked the big city streets in awe. He had never seen so many budings! And they all seemed to reach to the sky!
Todd liked looking up at the buildings, because every time he looked down he only noticed one thing… Everyone had matching shoes. And not just matching, but a left-footed shoe.
Todd looked down at his feet, he wore his older brother’s brown right-footed shoe on his left-foot, and his own black right-footed shoe on his right-foot.
Todd wondered if the people here knew about Old Man Wajistakum. He lived in Todd’s hometown and hated left-footed shoes. If he saw a left-footed shoe he’d start attacking it with an axe. Many people lost a foot that way. In the end people just stopped wearing left-footed shoes.
Now that Todd saw what left-footed shoes looked like, he thought Old Man Wajistakum was right. Left-footed shoes are weird! Todd was glad he bought an axe…
Please take a seat, today you have a choice of three seats while you enjoy your refreshment.
The first is our pins and needles couch. Basically if you like blood oozing out of your butt, this couch is for you! The upholstery is so realistic that you’re not sure if its a couch, or bed of nails! It’s a normal couch otherwise.
The second devilish choice is the bean bag of razor sharp rocks! If you like skewered human you’ll love this! The graphic is a picture of the razor sharp rocks down at the beach that have sliced open many surfers. Otherwise it’s a normal bean bag.
And finally you can sit on the heavenly pineapple chair! We made this because we had too many pineapples, so we stacked them together, green bits up, added a pineapple back rest, and made a chair. It’s fantastic!
So, where are you going to sit?