Are you a phone?


I met an interesting man on the weekend, his name is Samsung Galaxy.

He’s 299 years old, born on Mercury, lives in a giraffe, married a girl called Barcelona and has a pet elephant.

He writes in Japanese, speaks in Greek, but only hears Italian, yet loves Indigenous sculpture.

He talks of a time in 1908 when Argentina invaded Venus only to be killed by butterflies from Jupiter. He called it The Great Apple.

He also has Alzheimer’s, although he calls it The Unbelievable Truth.

Can I touch your shoes?


I didn’t expect you to walk on to this train, but I’m glad you did, because they are some fine shoes you’ve got on.

PUMA’s, all white, low cut, just the way I like. Those shoes are stunning.

Nice and clean, fairly new I’d say, fresh design by the looks of it. Not there to standout, but worn for comfort and polish.

I wonder if they’re leather, or a blend, how soft the toe-box is, but what support the lock-down provides, and the quality of the sole that supports it all. They look awesome, but I want to know the substance behind the style.

How long was your nap?


We ask the big questions here, the questions that matter. And today we’ve got a big one: How long do you have to be asleep for it to be defined as a sleep?

Most people need eight hours of sleep to be fully recharged and ready to go. Some need less, others more. But often we don’t get our necessary amount of sleep. So we have naps, shorter periods of sleep. Humans have had naps for years, but what I want to know is how long is a nap?

How long do I need to be asleep for a nap to become a sleep? I like naps, but occasionally I’m so tired that my nap lasts for five or six hours. So, did I have a nap, or a sleep? Or are they the same thing? Have I been having ten hour naps my whole life? What about when I only have a three-hour sleep because I’ve been up all night? Is there a specific time based definition for sleep and naps? What about afternoon naps? What if they’re not in the afternoon? When you wake-up early after a good sleep but decide to go back to sleep for a few extra minutes, does that count as a nap or part of your sleep?

And how do you know the deceased?


I’m the investigating officer!

Everyone at the station told me to rule the case accidental, but I thought something was off. So I kept digging.

In old case files I found a number of very similar accidents. And I thought that all of them as one-offs might be accident’s, but all of them together struck me as odd and worth looking into.

I started to look at the victims again, particularly focusing on whether or not they were clumsy or accident prone. I found that none of them were, all the victims were of sound mind and good health.

A colleague from the CLOWN unit agreed there may be something to this case and directed me to the news, the family or the funeral. Somewhere the killer might bask in the glory of his kill.

And that’s how I found you.

How do you know the deceased?


I’m the murderer!

Everyone thinks the fire was an accident, but I carefully planned it. And executed it perfectly I might add.

I’ve stalked her place for years, so I knew she’d take a sleeping pill on New Years Eve and go to bed early. And she’d also leave the fire smouldering for warmth in these cold winter months.

But then I needed a way into the house to set things up. So I became her cleaner, this granted me access and when the police found my prints they were perfectly explained.

That night I snuck in, closed a few doors, whipped up a few flames, before exiting and going to the midnight fireworks.

And the police will never know…