Would you like some sauce with that?


A few weeks ago I came across an interesting fast-food joint. It sold hot food, like fish and chips, hot-dogs and chicken. But it also had a selection of ice-cream, I loved it.

However, I didn’t know whether to get dinner or desert and I wasn’t that hungry, so I didn’t want both. So I decided to combine them. I ordered a hot-dog with ice-cream on top. No sauce, no cheese, just ice-cream on top.

A few minutes later I was given a plain hot-dog, so I left it alone assuming that they would put the ice-cream on in front of me, but they didn’t. So about five minutes later I asked the chef about my ice-cream on top. He thought it was a strange request, but soon obliged.

The reason that I hadn’t received my ice-cream on top straight away is because the cashier thought I was joking. An understandable mistake, but if I was a hot-dog, I’m sure ice-cream on top would cool me down.

How would you like your eggs?


On the weekend some friends of mine were debating whether we go out for lunch or home for a nap. Eventually food won the day, but it made me wonder if the two could ever be brought together. And I have a solution, a breakfast in bed café!

Here’s what I’m thinking…

You go into a rather large building with walls separating beds, some single, some double, a few queens, maybe a king sized bed. A waiter greets you and shows you to a bed, then the waiter takes your breakfast order. I don’t think the food would be too extravagant, just usual breakfast food, like toast, bacon and eggs.

You order your food but you also tell the waiter when you would like it served. Maybe in an hour, or 90 minutes. This gives you time to have a nap. And then an hour later your breakfast is served. You’re still in bed, and you have breakfast in front of you, cooked to perfection.

Obviously a service like this isn’t going to be cheap, you’re paying for a bed and food, but I would certainly pay for it. It would make my afternoon naps far more worthwhile.

When can I talk?


This is the week that Star Wars: The Force Awakens explodes in cinemas. I have already booked a ticket for a midnight screening. But this post isn’t about the quality of the movie, it’s about when I can tell people about it.

In the lead up I have stayed away from as many fan theories and spoilers as possible. This is because I don’t want to have any preconceptions about the film. I have seen the trailers, and if the movie is as good as that, I will be pleased.

The problem for me comes at 2:30am on Thursday morning. When can I talk about the film? I know that many other fans will see the film shortly after its release, but I don’t want that to mean everyone spoils it for the unlucky people yet to see it.

So, I have to wait long enough to give them a fair chance, but it’s going to be hard to keep my mouth shut for long.

I believe I should wait three days, 72 hours, I feel it’s a good amount of time. That gives people Thursday, Friday and Saturday to see the movie. This should be enough time for everyone to see the movie.

However, if you’re really unlucky and still haven’t seen it after three days, stay offline, don’t watch the news and don’t go to church on Sunday! Because every kid that has seen it will be telling everyone the ending whether you like it or not.

Is this worth fighting over?


A week ago I saw a shopping bag with a simple slogan on it: ‘Fighting Animal Testing’. And now I want to buy whatever they’re selling.

The reason, the product is tested on fighting animals. That is cool. Animals are fighting each other while they test this product. I’m not sure what the product is, but if a fighting animal gives it a seal of approval, I’ll but it.

Imagine if it’s a shirt that a lion wore while fighting another lion in testing. That must be one great shirt. Or a soap tested by penguins fighting in the desert, if they’re clean and smell good after that, I’m buying it. Or a fireproof hat tested by fighting dragons.

Whatever the product is, I want it.

Would you like a monologue with that?


I recently choked on some fast food, not unusual, but it did inspire a monologue. After I spoke the first line it just came out of me. I made it up, and I’d like to share it with you. I can’t remember the exact wording, but I think this is pretty close. Enjoy.

“I have trouble with food.

“I am putting something in my mouth, and I generally have no idea where it has come from or what is in it. I also have no idea who has made it, or what they used to make it.

“It takes a lot of trust to put something in your mouth and eat it.

“Maybe I have trust issues, maybe that’s why I only drink water. I know who made that.

“But with this food, you just don’t know. Anyone could slip something in there, so can I really trust it. Is this really made from potato…”

I got a few looks at this stage, so I stopped.