How long do you have?


I only have ten minutes to write this, and I’m going to explain exactly why.

You see, ten days ago I was at a conference, and I met a cute girl there. Her name was Ellie, and she was wearing a stunning blue dress.

So we talk and dance into the night, and I say night because we never got to morning. At 11:59PM we were dancing along when her dress suddenly turned red and flames started coming out of her eyes. Then she disappeared…

Since that night I am sure she has been following me. I know this because I receive phone calls from her saying she likes what I’m wearing.

She’s also been texting me a date and time. That date is today, and the time is

Do you want to play Frisbee?


Frisbee, the ultimate disc to carry on your travels to Antarctica. I like throwing Frisbee’s, but recently I was caught without my Frisbee (a penguin ate it), so I had to improvise.

My first thought was using a dinner plate, hard, ceramic, disc shaped, an adequate replacement. However, after a few wayward throws into a brick wall (and the back of someone’s head) the chef put an end to my first idea.

My second idea was sound technology, an iPad, not smash-able like a dinner plate, but not as round. Throwing the iPad proved more difficult than the plate, but soon a small circle gathered. Five minutes later and I thought I had solved my Frisbee conundrum, but then the iPad’s owner showed up, he was not pleased with my second idea.

I was feeling defeated, I had no other ideas for Frisbee’s, so I reluctantly reached into my bag and pulled out my back-up Frisbee. Unfortunately, a penguin was nearby, it attacked me and ate my back-up Frisbee.

Penguins must really like Frisbee’s.

Would you like a date?


I have realised that it is tricky to see in the dark. In fact I really can’t see.

This reminds me of one time with a date. The lights were off, and I couldn’t see my date at all.

So all night I’m sitting there wondering what my date looks like. Maybe a blemish here, or a dark spot there. Fortunately, through the great sense of touch I could tell that my date was of an average size.

But I was still unsure what I should do next, I couldn’t turn the lights on, the power was out, but I could risk it.

So I leant over the table, grabbed my date, eased my mouth closer… At this stage I was probably moving in slow motion, but it was pitch black, so I couldn’t see.

And as my lips touched my date, I knew that it was love. My date and I shared a wonderful moment. And then at last, I finally ate my date.

It was delicious.


What am I forgetting?


I’m sure I’m forgetting something, and it’s been bugging me all day. If only I could remember what I need to do today.

Let’s see, it’s Tuesday. Did I bring the bins in? That’s a Tuesday task, and guess what, they’re still just sitting out the front. That must be it, I’ll just bring them back in.

All done, but I have a funny feeling that bringing in the bins isn’t what I should remember. Maybe I need to go to the toilet, I let a couple go while I brought the bins back in. And they smelt bad.

Nope, it wasn’t that. Maybe I need to go to the gym, those bins were a little heavy. Must be a weights day. I think I’ll take it easy though, I’m not as strong when I’m trying to remember what I forgot.

Well, that was a good weights session, but I don’t feel like it’s what I forgot to do. I think it’s time for a nap, let my brain sleep on it. I’m sure I’ll remember.


THE BINS! I forgot to put out the bins!