Are there too* many?

Standard

“Hello and welcome. I’m Sam Squaretooth, this day we have an un-orthodox fight, but one with plenty of feeling and emotion. It’ll be a fight until death with only one survivor!

“My co-commentator Bruce Balance joins me, and Bruce, can you just give us a little background for this fight?”

“Sure, I’m glad I’m here. Now our death fight involves three competitors who are sick and tired of being confused, two, too and to. This death fight was instigated by too, he put the challenge out there and to accepted it immediately. two was a bit hesitant, but eventually accepted. Meaning we have a three way death fight.”

“Yes we do. Now I understand that the ramifications are wider than this fight alone?”

“Indeed Sam, the winner will claim exclusive usage in the entire English language.”

“So tonight could become twonight.”

“Indeed. The ramifications are huge!”

“Agreed. Now how do you think the tactics will play out tonight?”

“That’s an interesting one, because I see this fight going a few ways. two was reluctant in the first place, so two may sit back while to and too go at it. But I wouldn’t rule out to and too ganging up on two and killing him first.”

“Thanks Bruce, the fight is about to start as the competitors take the ring. The crowd is full of anticipation. Three, up for grabs, one! And we’re off!!!”

A few pieces of wisdom?

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Today I got a parcel. Let me give you wisdom, so you can open parcels too.

My parcel had a sticker on it. “DO NOT USE BLADES TO OPEN” That is profound. So what I did was take the sticker off and put it on my head. Now I’ll stop stabbing myself.

Next I put my knife away. I’ll use explosives to open my parcel. You should always have high quality, military grade explosive around, and plenty of it.

It was a big parcel, 20x30x3cm. I think it’s a book. Because it’s so big I need lots of explosives, more than I use for blowing up houses.

I attach the explosives, and move back to a safe distance. A meter for every item you’re blowing sky-high. Once I move a meter back I press the button.