Today I got a parcel. Let me give you wisdom, so you can open parcels too.

My parcel had a sticker on it. “DO NOT USE BLADES TO OPEN” That is profound. So what I did was take the sticker off and put it on my head. Now I’ll stop stabbing myself.

Next I put my knife away. I’ll use explosives to open my parcel. You should always have high quality, military grade explosive around, and plenty of it.

It was a big parcel, 20x30x3cm. I think it’s a book. Because it’s so big I need lots of explosives, more than I use for blowing up houses.

I attach the explosives, and move back to a safe distance. A meter for every item you’re blowing sky-high. Once I move a meter back I press the button.