Today I forgot my belt, and the world exploded. Sorry.

I’m fond of my belt. It does its job well. Every day it strangles my waist and keeps my pants in a respectable position. Until today it’s always been around me and I’ve been able to keep an eye on it.

I take full responsibility.

It was a few months ago when I first thought my belt might be talking and planning behind my back. I found notes in my back pocket that I hadn’t written or placed in my pocket. I also had people taking great interest in my bottom. I just thought it was a weird cult tradition, I never knew that my belt was involved.

I should’ve seen the signs. My belt was acting very suspiciously for the past few days. Knowing now what happened, it brings every single pocket dial into question, and the possibility that, maybe unknowingly, my pants were involved too.

A homemade mixture actually, 100 per cent organic, no dangerous chemicals and the smell is unforgettable. I call it Sham’s Poo.

Have you met Sham? I got him a few months ago from the dog pound, which is kinda weird, cause he’s a cow. He’s lovely, come out the back and meet him.

Anyway, Sham’s been trained to poop in the same place, which is great, less clean-up. But eventually I just had this pile of poo.

The next morning I was in the shower thinking about what I could do with the pile of poo, and when I reached for my old shampoo I had the brilliant idea to make shampoo out of Sham’s poo!

So that’s what I did. A month later and my hair looks amazing!

Did you want to try Sham’s Poo?

I went to a fancy restaurant last night. The menu was magnificent, it was full of questions. For instance, how did they get the Moroccan platter here from Morocco?

Morocco is in Africa, it’s a small country right on the North/West tip of Africa. It’s right below Spain and next to Algeria. The capital city is Rabat, while the largest city is Casablanca.

Morocco is currently ranked 62 in the FIFA World Rankings and have qualified four times for the FIFA World Cup, their last appearance coming in France 98.

So, with all I know about Morocco, how did the fancy restaurant get me a platter all the way from Morocco?

“Through the mail,” says the waiter.

Once upon a time there lived a King and Queen. They loved each other so much that they were always right beside each other. They never separated, and their love allowed a kingdom to be built around them.

One day another kingdom declared war. Despite a great threat from the opposing kingdom the King and Queen held on to their love and always remained side-by-side.

Around them subjects died, their fortress fell, warriors succumb and priests gave their lives to protect the love the King and Queen shared.

As the Queen fell into the King’s arms he too lost his life. The Queen meant everything to him.

When the words “Checkmate” came, it meant nothing for a King that loved his Queen more than chess itself.