Recently I had a dream…

I was playing football. I was playing at right back which is not where I normally play, usually I play centrally. But in this dream I was playing right back.

I noticed that I only made four passes over and over during the match. The first is backwards, either to the centre-back or goalkeeper. The second pass is into midfield. The third pass is up the line to the winger. The final pass is a cross into the box.

My dream made me realise that in an attacking sense the right-back only needs to make four passes. There is a lot more to being a right-back, but perfecting these four passes will make you a decent right-back.

“Hello Sir. My name is Frank and I collect strange and extremely rare ornaments. I’m in the neighbourhood collecting ornaments to display in lounge rooms, kitchens, bedrooms and bathrooms. Well, actually one day I hope they’ll be displayed in a museum.
“I’m here today to ask if you or anyone you know has an ornament that they’ll allow me to put in my growing collection?”
“Sure, I might have something. What kind of ornaments are you looking for?”
“Human heads. I collect human heads, only from willing participants of course. And also some people who thought my guillotine didn’t work when I was at the Country Fair.”
“Wait! What? Sorry. You kill people just so you can put their heads on display?”
“Yeah, if they’re still attached to their bodies they’re so hard to mount. Now, if you want I can bring over my guillotine tomorrow, but I really don’t like carrying it around. So if you come to me I’ll separate you at my place. What time of day can I expect you?”

Today a fly decided to land on my thumb. He was friendly, so we got chatting and he told me his story.

His name is Francis C. Bradley. He was born in my house, inside my garbage bin. Unfortunately he grew up without a family. Francis’ parents were crushed just after he was born.

Francis grew up without his family, but the Carlson’s stepped in to provide Francis food, shelter and education. He said he’s extremely grateful to the Carlson family, the C in his name is to honour them.

The Carlson’s had a daughter, Maddison. Growing up Francis saw her as a sister, but as they grew older they became romantically drawn to each other. Maddison was amazing, and judging from the way Francis talked about her you knew they were in love.

As Francis continued to talk of Maddison he broke into tears. Not long ago Maddison was flying home when she was captured. The absence was killing them both. Francis told me that only a human could set her free.

Francis and I rushed to Maddison. She was under an upside down cup. I gently grabbed the cup and let Francis in so I could take them both to a safe place for release.

A few hours ago I released Francis C. Bradley and Maddison Carlson out into the wild where they can live their lives together in peace.

It has been a long day. All you want to do is get home to your apartment where you and your dog, Spot, live. Your job never seems to end, you seem to be at work 24/7, leaving no time for a social life.

When you open your door two things strike you as odd, the smell of fresh pizza and the absence of Spot who normally meets you at the door. You also hear the sound of chopping in the kitchen.

You slowly enter the kitchen. Standing at the bench chopping tomato is a guy dressed in white and wearing a chefs hat. You don’t know this guy and there are red stains everywhere. On the table are bowls of ham, salami, pineapple, cheese and some unidentifiable meat.

In a deep menacing voice the unknown guy in the kitchen asks, “What do you want on your pizza?”