Four strong young males strutted into the restaurant and sat down to order.
“I want a horse!” said Daniel.
“Too expensive,” said Sam. “How about a lamb?”
“You know I’m watching my weight Sam.” said Dave.
“Well, we could get it wild.”
“A lamb wouldn’t provide much of a challenge, and besides, the reason we come here is to avoid the wild,” said Mitch.
The four sat deliberating over what to eat, “Chicken?” “Too small.” Cow?” “Too unhealthy.” “Deer?” “I had deer for breakfast.” “Human?” “Only for desert, they’re normally too sweet.” “Elephant?” “The last elephant I ate made me sick for a week.”
It was at this point that the waiter finally spoke up, “We have a special on body builders at the moment. A lean and strong subspecies of human. Feed very high quality food and in tip-top shape. The only thing is he has to be wild.”
Daniel looked around the group, and they all nodded. “Okay, we’ll have two wild body builders.”
“Great, I’ll put them in number four. Enjoy your meal. And thank you for eating at The Lion’s Den.”
To decide what to wear I need to know what I’m doing today.
In the morning I’m slaughtering a few Progantoids. They have blue blood, so maybe a blue shirt. It gets very messy, better go a long sleeve shirt. And lightweight too because I need to catch them first.
After that I’m spying on a Sheevite. I’ll need camouflage or I could just wear my invisibility clothing. Unfortunately the colour isn’t the best, but that doesn’t matter too much with invisibility clothing.
Then tonight I’ve got a date with my lovely, I need to look my best. She likes it when I wear yellow. And I think my matching yellow shoes are really cool. I can’t get them dirty though, because they will explode!
So, I still don’t know what to wear, maybe I’ll just take my wardrobe with me.
There are people called air-ee farmers. And every day they get milk for us to drink.
And it’s a hard job, because milk comes from clouds. So what air-ee farmers do is fly up high in the sky to where the clouds are pure white. That’s where the best milk comes from.
So they fly into the sky, dodging planes, helicopters and the occasional rocket. And when they reach the cloud, they have to tickle it in the right place for the cloud to happily part with it’s milk.
If the air-ee farmer makes the cloud angry then the cloud won’t give them the milk.
And that class, is where milk comes from.
Remember when you were told to always sit-up straight? Either your mum or a teacher probably told you. Listen to them and do it, it might save your life!*
I was slouched over my computer screen as usual, when I heard a voice in the back of my head… “Sit-up straight.” I decided not to listen.
A minute later I heard the voice again, “Sit-up straight.” I was still reluctant and moaned, “Why?”
“Because when you slouch I can’t get a good swing at your head.”
Is it just me or is that a weird thing for the back of your head to say? So I sat-up straight, but before I could turn around a sword separated my hear from my torso.
A single shoe, lying in a store, unattached to a foot, unattached to a pile of shoes.
And yet, beauty.
It lies alone, removed from pressure, debunking shoe stereotypes, living the life it wanted.
And yet, tired.
Longing for love, but so comfortable alone, looking for a foot to hug, the partner to match.
And yet, style.
The shoe that stands alone dies alone. But will I pull the trigger?
I’m here in the dark, but I’m still seeking you.
I long to find you. I don’t like the thought of you out there alone. I remember what it was like when you were here, the smile on your face, the constant conversation, the care we shared.
But now I don’t know where you are. I’m searching for you in the dark and I’ll keep searching until I find you. Because I remember our connection, the time we spent together, time I wish didn’t end.
When will I see your light again? When will I find you?
“In this museum there are three rules to follow. Don’t handle! Don’t taste! And don’t touch! I have no idea why the taste one is really there, but I’ve heard rumours.
“Obey these rules and you’ll enjoy your visit to the Museum of Unique Objects. But if you don’t you’ll get a visit from Mr Wait! Mr What? And Mr Sorry. And usually I don’t say this, but you look like a particularly evil bunch of toddlers, Mr Jail-Time is always on call.
“So enjoy your tour and always remember the rules, don’t handle, don’t taste and don’t touch.”
“Excuse me Miss, who are Mr Wait, What and Sorry?”
“Oh sorry darling. They’re our big and intimidating security guards. I call them that because Mr Wait will grab you and immobilise you, Mr What will interrogate you and make you confess your deepest darkest murder, and Mr Sorry will apologise to your parents after sending you to jail. They’re a great team and always stop trouble-makers, like you, from causing destruction. Now run along you little princess. Enjoy the museum.”