You can tell a lot about a person from how they hold a knife.

There are those who wave the knife around as they talk. An accident may happen, but you shouldn’t worry about these people.

Others use unnecessary force, they really put their whole body into chopping food. Again you don’t need to worry too much about these people. Just be careful not to make them angry, they might snap.

Smart cooks always use a sharp knife, they slice and dice with smooth movements and precise accuracy. They respect their tools and know how to clean and care for them. There is nothing to worry about here.

But some, like me, sharpen our knifes constantly, we clean them rigorously and we use them professionally. However, when we slice, we slice for pleasure. The knife becomes an extension of ourselves and we know exactly where it will hurt the most.

I’m the one you should fear.

It’s dinner time! And I feel like cereal.

Step 1: Wash bowl and spoon I had cereal for lunch in. Nevermind.

Step 1: Find container large enough for cereal. Only a shot glass. Nevermind.

Step 1: Cut top off the milk jug to make a bowl. No milk, threw it out after lunch. Nevermind.

Step 1: Open cereal and eat. No bowl, no spoon, no milk. Nevermind, I have cereal.

I am destined to be a cyborg, but that’ll be a big problem. When robots rise up against humans and try to take over the world, I don’t know which side I want to be on.

I was born human. My heart is organic and will always have a soft spot for the human cause. There are all these amazing emotions that make humans so unpredictable, unique and lovable.

On the other side robots generally lack emotion which make them much more reliable, organised and consistent. They have inhumane strength and ability, giving them a physical edge, but once they break they can’t heal themselves.

There are positives and negatives on both sides.

Unfortunately I feel I will be mistrusted by both sides and forced to the sidelines… But from there I will build my own army of cyborgs and easily defeat the humans and robots.

In my dream I see U. A creature of amazing beauty, made for an extraordinary purpose. I can’t help it, I’m drawn to U. But as I get closer I see a tear hit the ground, my concern grows. I embrace U with a hug.

“Why the tears?” I ask, still with my arms around U.

“Because my love is too far away.”

“I’m sorry. I promise that I’ll fix it.”

Then I woke up with tremendous resolve.

I present the new alphabet:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P QU R S T V W X Y Z