When do I get my adult legs?


My leg is wobbly and loose… which means my adult leg is coming!

The same thing happened with my teeth, although I got my adult teeth quite early. My baby teeth feel out and my adult teeth quickly grew in place. And soon my baby leg will fall out and my adult leg will grow in its place.

Once my baby leg falls out I’m going to put it under my bed and wait for the leg fairy. Just like with my teeth. Obviously my baby leg won’t fit under my pillow, so I’ll just put it under my bed. I hope the leg fairy won’t get stuck under my bed.

I haven’t taken good care of my baby leg, but it looks reasonable. It’s like my parents told me, the better the tooth, the more money I’ll get. So I’ll clean my leg before I put it under my bed.

And when I wake up in the morning I’ll find the money under my bed. I hope I get $1000 for it!

What’s for dinner?


Your menu tonight:

Your entrée will be chicken and pumpkin soup. You were going to be given a choice of chicken soup or pumpkin soup, but there was an accident in the kitchen. The chicken fell in love with the pumpkin. The chicken would not leave the pumpkin after it was brutally chopped and thrown in the pot. So the chicken jumped in the pot too.

For your main course, you will be having sheep chops, served with spinach, carrot and beetroot. Unfortunately you won’t be having that tonight. You’ll have to return at a later date. Our kitchen hand who bought the ingredients got a few lambs, a kilo of baby spinach, baby carrot and baby beetroot. So we will wait until they’re fully grown before we kill them and allow you to eat them.

For desert we will be serving pavement with cream and berries on top. Apparently our trainee kitchen hand asked for fourteen “Pavs” at Bunnings. Should’ve gone to Specsavers.

Enjoy your meal.

Would you like a murder weapon with that?


When I was younger I was told never to put a plastic bag over my head. This was because if I did, I would die. Apparently I would suffocate to death. At the time I didn’t know what suffocate meant, but I knew it was bad. So I’ve never put a plastic bag over my head.

Anyway, I tell you this because during the week I was eating lunch at the shops. And a guy sits down next to me with his lunch in a take away plastic bag. The bag has writing on it: “Use me again and again!”

And I freak out because I’m thinking, “He could use that to murder the entire shopping centre!” But I’m also wondering, “How many take away shops are giving away murder weapons with their meals?”

Why analyse what I’ve already analysed?


A couple of weeks ago I analysed one of my own made up statements: Mad Cow Disease is breaking out in cats. When I analysed my statement I believed it to be fictional.

Since writing ‘What to Analyse?‘ I have talked to a friend of mine, The Crazy Cat Chick. We further analysed my fictional statement, with surprising results…

We found this article that says that Mad Cow Disease is possible in cats. And it has a name, feline spongiform encephalopathy (FSE). FSE is the cat form of Mad Cow Disease. There have been more than 100 cases reported in Europe. Cats get FSE by eating contaminated meat.

So… I made up the truth! Sort of…