Your menu tonight:

Your entrée will be chicken and pumpkin soup. You were going to be given a choice of chicken soup or pumpkin soup, but there was an accident in the kitchen. The chicken fell in love with the pumpkin. The chicken would not leave the pumpkin after it was brutally chopped and thrown in the pot. So the chicken jumped in the pot too.

For your main course, you will be having sheep chops, served with spinach, carrot and beetroot. Unfortunately you won’t be having that tonight. You’ll have to return at a later date. Our kitchen hand who bought the ingredients got a few lambs, a kilo of baby spinach, baby carrot and baby beetroot. So we will wait until they’re fully grown before we kill them and allow you to eat them.

For desert we will be serving pavement with cream and berries on top. Apparently our trainee kitchen hand asked for fourteen “Pavs” at Bunnings. Should’ve gone to Specsavers.

Enjoy your meal.