What did I hear?


What’s the point of ears?

Well, clearly ears are for drinking soup that is too hot to taste… Or so I’ve heard. Actually I think I misheard that, maybe. I might’ve been too busy drinking soup at the time.

Anyway, I did mishear something on the weekend. What I heard was that a friend of mine works near the murder registry. We had a good laugh about that. But it gave me an idea for a film. Allow me to share it with you…

It is the year 2056, in an effort to curb the Earths over-population, the Government have legalised murder. They have created ‘Murder Registries’. You have to go in and wait to be served, like in a bank. At the counter you tell the server who you will murder, how you will murder them and why you want to murder them. The person serving you will then calculate the importance of the person you’re about to murder to determine how much it will cost. For example, the President of the USA may cost one billion dollars to murder, while a local housewife may only cost two thousand dollars to murder. This way the government will still get money. Once you have paid, you will be handed a ‘Murder Card’ that tells the police that this murder is okay. They will also tell you that you have 24 hours to commit the murder. Once you have killed the person you leave the ‘Murder Card’ on the body for the police to find. In order to prevent unregistered murder the death penalty is reintroduced…..

There is a setting and a scenario for all of you other screenwriters out there. Come up with a few characters (name one after me), a plot and a genre. Don’t forget to include my name in the credits. And another thing, the ‘Murder Card’ comes with a free will kit to give to your victim.

Last thing… he actually said motor registry.

What do I write about?


What do I write about!?!

That question has been on my mind for at least four years of my life! Ok, maybe not four, but at least two. That figure is calculated from every occasion on which I have wondered what to write about. That includes school and uni assignments, essays, creative writing pieces and now this blog.

I’ve already considered writing about the coffee cup to my right, complete with brown murky liquid. I could list various uses for that brown murky liquid, including pouring it over my human chop for extra flavour!

But I can’t write that. It’ll make everyone that reads this, and considering that this is now free for anyone and everyone to view, think that I’m a cannibal. It might also put me on an FBI watch-list. I’m not a cannibal. But what if everyone thought I was? I’d never have anyone brave enough to come over for dinner…

With me, your rule number one is never take anything I say seriously. But that human chop sure was nice, especially with the coffee sauce.