Underwear
Pants
Shirts
Socks
Shoes
Toothpaste/toothbrush
Headphones
Swimming gear
Ice skates
Towel
Space suit
Scuba diving suit
Knifes/Forks/Spoons
Pillow
Plates
Flour
Washing Machine
Pegs
Oven
Unread Library
Kitchen Sink

Has this ever happened to you? You’re at a child’s birthday party when you’re attacked by a balloon sword. You’re in the office when a piece of paper attacks you. A tiny stone infiltrates your shoe.

Everyone knows the pain these scarring events cause. Paper cuts, balloon attacks and shoe stones are among the highest causes of pain today.

Everyone hates pain, but getting rid of it it impossible. That is until today!

Introducing the newest and best pain relief technique. This new method of pain relief is scientifically proven to eliminate all pain. Introducing the guillotine!

The guillotine can’t stop paper cuts, balloon attacks or shoe stones, but it does provide immediate pain relief when they strike.

Try it every time paper attacks!

SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE DEATH

Imagine an OCD serial killer, OCD about gravestones. That could totally work.

Stretching that idea out a bit. Every serial killer has an obsession that they have to fulfil by killing people. Well, the obsession of this serial killer is gravestone death dates.

Most are different to the birth date, and that annoys our serial killer every time they go to a cemetery.

14-12-1884  –  28-4-1945.

Dates like that annoy them (and incorrect spelling and grammar on gravestones). Everyone should die on the date they were born, just so the gravestones look better.

Our serial killer is pretty much just like every other serial killer, except victims only have to be nervous on one day of the year. How nice of our serial killer. With most serial killers they make you worry everyday, but this one means you can stop worrying. Well, most of the year.

Abigail Stanbury slowly walked down the hallway. She passed thirteen rooms, each one containing six beds. Mrs Preston opened the door to the fourteenth room and showed her inside.
“Good evening girls. This is little Abigail. She’s six years old and she’s going to be staying here with you.”
She hated that word. Little. Everyone called her that. Poor little Abigail, only alive because she was small enough to fit inside the ice chest while the fire raged around her.
“Everyone say hello Abigail,” prompted Mrs Preston.
“Hello Abigail,” said the girls.
“Abigail, this is your bed,” said Mrs Preston as she placed Abigail’s suitcase on the bottom bunk of the third bunk-bed.
Abigail wandered over and sat on her new bed.
“Goodnight,” said Mrs Preston as she closed the door.
A voice from above cut through the silence, “How did they die?”
A sharp restraint from across the room followed, “Regina! Sorry about that. My name is Christine, above me is Susan. Over to you left is Louise and Rosemary. And above you is Regina. We’ll all introduce ourselves properly in the morning, for now just try and get some sleep.”
Abigail took off her shoes and placed them underneath her bed. She pulled back the blanket and got into bed. Since the fire she hadn’t had a comfy bed to sleep in. Her head floated on air as it came to rest on the pillow. She pulled up the blanket and closed her eyes.
“How did your parents die?” came Regina’s voice from above.
“Murdered.” The papers reported a fire at her parents house, Abigail was the only survivor in a family of six. That was five weeks ago, since then she had slept on cold and hard floors.
“But everyone says your house was burnt to the ground.”
“It was. They were already dead.”
“Who killed them?”
“I did.”