What is the point of sharp things?


I, like many others, struggle to answer this question. But generally I find the best way to answer this is by trial and error. Let me show you my technique…

To follow along at home you’ll need a knife and a tender surface. I always use my own thigh, that way if the object in question is indeed sharp, the point should impale my thigh. But you can use use someone else’s thigh if you’re unsure.

A knife is the most common sharp object, but I never know where the point is. Here’s how I find out, once you do it yourself you’ll see it’s very simple.

Firstly, grab your knife, it doesn’t matter what end. Grip it firmly and plunge it towards your thigh. If it goes through your flesh and deep into your thigh, then congratulations, you’ve found the point! If not, you probably tried to plunge the wrong end into your thigh. Don’t worry. Turn the knife around and try again!

You can use this technique to find the pointy end on other things too! Like forks, arrows, needles, pins, pencils, letter openers, teeth, scissors, nails… the list goes on.

Is this the beginning?


We’re back!

After 38 games it feels hollow to say we deserved it, even with the opening three months of the season. But the difference this victory makes, means it’s only the beginning.

The players are there to challenge on one front, we know that from the big matches. But now we must invest so we can challenge on all three, and in doing so our league challenge strengthens.

It’s too early to set goals for next season. But a title challenge next season is a minimum requirement.

And a final in Madrid this time next year would be nice.

Is that roadkill?


The highway was hauntingly beautiful. The setting sun coloured the clouds in various hues of yellow, orange and purple, while the glare almost made the road invisible. On either side of the road silhouetted bodies were identifiable hundreds of metres down the long, straight bitumen.

One of the bodies was Robin, a wallaby. She was fiercely independent and hopped out on her own from an early age. She craved the wild life, carefree and limitless. Then she met Riger.

Riger was a kangaroo. Small, rugged and picked on by the rest of the mob. Riger never had the physical attributes to contribute to the mob, and so he left. He enjoyed life off on his own.

It was a perfect match. Their adventurous spirits drew them together and bonded them for life. They travelled far and wide, across mountains and marshlands. They enjoyed countless moonlit nights together in the outback.

It was romantic how their lives were ended in the same instant, by the same road-train, as the sun coloured the sky. However, fate separated their final resting places, Robin thrown to the right of the road and Riger the left. Even now their spirits are separated by the seven metre strip of highway…

Are you calm?


Today we are going to do something different. We are all stressed, so today I’m going to calm you down with an impromptu meditation exercise.

STEP ONE: Close your eyes

This turns your focus around. You are no longer looking at this screen, the outside world or all your prob— Actually no. Don’t do that, because then you can’t read this.

Hmmm… okay got it.

STEP ONE: Close your fist

As you do that I want you to tense all the muscles in your arm. Let all your anger fuel the energy in your arm and through to your fist. Put your clenched fist in your other pal— Wait! This is supposed to be calming.

Hmmmm… okay, try this.

STEP ONE: Breathe in

Let the air flow though your nostrils. Notice how your head lifts. Feel your lungs fill with air. Now think of wide open spaces. No one is around. It’s just you, no one will ever bother you again. You are all alon— What!? Is it just me or does that sound really sad and depressing?

Hmmmmm… okay, one last try.


Stop what you’re doing. Take a second, a minute, an hour. Just relax. Tomorrow will take car— Sorry!?. You can breathe out now. Probably should have told you that earlier.

Why didn’t you tell me this before?


Yesterday I got a headache vaccine. I saw it advertised, liked what I saw, called the doctor, went to the doctor, told him to give me the needle quickly, closed my eyes, screamed, cried and rejoiced when it was over!

But then the doctor said, “Side effects may include: Vomiting, breathlessness, indigestion, diarrhoea, joint pain, muscle pain, irregular heartbeat, loss of limbs, psychotic visions, murderous tenancies and pimples.”

You never want to hear a doctor say those words! “And pimples.” They are the reason I get headaches! Worrying about pimples causes my headaches!

Anyway, just letting you know, no pimples and no headaches! Just lost a leg, so all in all, highly recommended.