Today I forgot my belt, and the world exploded. Sorry.

I’m fond of my belt. It does its job well. Every day it strangles my waist and keeps my pants in a respectable position. Until today it’s always been around me and I’ve been able to keep an eye on it.

I take full responsibility.

It was a few months ago when I first thought my belt might be talking and planning behind my back. I found notes in my back pocket that I hadn’t written or placed in my pocket. I also had people taking great interest in my bottom. I just thought it was a weird cult tradition, I never knew that my belt was involved.

I should’ve seen the signs. My belt was acting very suspiciously for the past few days. Knowing now what happened, it brings every single pocket dial into question, and the possibility that, maybe unknowingly, my pants were involved too.