Hey mate, I’m in a bit of a situation. I’ve been crushed by a blueberry.

Can you please come and help me. I’ve called some others and they all couldn’t help, but I hope you can, you’re just sitting there.

And here’s the other thing, I know you’re not stupid. You’ve read one of these before. You probably think that soon it will all be revealed that I’m actually an ant. But no, instead I’m breaking the fourth wall and talking directly to you.

So, now that I have your attention, let me tell you about this blueberry. Basically, it’s blue and it might be the size of my thumb.

And now your thinking, “Well, there’s no way that can crush a human being.” And you’d be right! Except I don’t have any thumbs! I never have.

And maybe if I did have thumbs they’d be the size of this blue house.