There is a secret that I have kept for almost twenty years. It is a secret that all Territorians are expected to keep for life, and if they don’t, the punishment is death. But I cannot keep this a secret any longer.

Territorians keep crocodiles as pets and let them roam the streets.

We disguise our pet crocs as dogs. They live in most backyards and swim in almost every Darwin pool. The Government tags every pet croc with a light-distortion-cloaking-device (LD-CD). This means that a croc with an LD-CD will appear as a dog on camera.

Territorians are trained to spot a domesticated croc with the LD-CD, and a wild croc without an LD-CD. However, tourists and visitors aren’t. In order to protect them the Government makes them carry a digital camera. This initiative has drastically reduced tourist deaths over the past decade.

Over the past decade wild crocs have infiltrated many Darwin suburbs. They generally lie waiting in backyard pools. Therefore, croc handling training became mandatory to anyone in a profession involving pools, including life guards. It is mandatory for pool guys to show their croc handling licence.

The NT News appear to have an obsession with croc stories. But every croc story is a community service announcement, and mandatory front page news. It is very important for Territorians to know the location of wild crocs.

Wild croc are dangerous. And now domesticated pet crocs are returning to their wild roots in captivity. The problem is vast and the cause unknown. The NT Government want to cover it up, but I will not allow that.

Today I saw three pet crocs roaming the street. They all attacked me and have returned to their wild roots, but they still appear as dogs on camera and in mirrors. I survived, but there will be high casualties if this problem goes on.