Hi miniature human. What are you doing here? You’re just lying there, in the middle of the living room. I came here for lunch, are we going to eat you?

You don’t talk much do you? I like your smile, it makes you look very cute. But because you have short hair I think you’re a boy, which means you probably don’t like being called cute.

You smell a bit. It’s probably your manly body odour. But I must say that it smells vaguely like something else. It’s also getting rather strong. I hope you don’t smell like this all the time.

Sorry. Don’t cry. Look, you don’t smell that bad. Please stop crying. I didn’t mean it, you smell very manly. Don’t get depressed. There are these things called showers and baths. We can get you smelling like a man in no time. Please stop crying.

“Thanks for watching her for a minute. Does she need a change?”