When I was younger I was told never to put a plastic bag over my head. This was because if I did, I would die. Apparently I would suffocate to death. At the time I didn’t know what suffocate meant, but I knew it was bad. So I’ve never put a plastic bag over my head.

Anyway, I tell you this because during the week I was eating lunch at the shops. And a guy sits down next to me with his lunch in a take away plastic bag. The bag has writing on it: “Use me again and again!”

And I freak out because I’m thinking, “He could use that to murder the entire shopping centre!” But I’m also wondering, “How many take away shops are giving away murder weapons with their meals?”