Have you got a lighter?

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Yes! Of course I can light you on fire. I thought someone might ask me that today, so I bought a petrol can with me.

But before I douse you with petrol, do you want to tell me why you want me to light you on fire? Personally, I admire you, burning to death is a blazing way to go.

But I sense there might be a better option. I reccomend ten hours of sleep every night, two litres of water, three pieces of fruit and seven vegetables everyday.

Try that for ten days and if you still want me to light you on fire after that then I will.

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