“Hey kid, here’s some free advice. Never eat ice-cream. It’s not worth it.

Ice-cream is brain manipulation food. Sorry, you’re young, ice-cream controls your mind! Got it? No. Ice-cream makes you think wrong. It alters the thought trains of children, making them easy to manipulate and control.

Kids everywhere fall into this trap. It’s as though all they can think about is ice-cream. Parents all over the world use its powers. Ice-cream is the only thing that makes kids, like you, finish their dinner in peace and quiet.

It’s a conspiracy. You probably have no idea what I mean, but trust me kid, don’t eat the ice-cream. I hope goo-goo gaa-gaa means you understand.”